When we are driving and want to turn right, we hope the cars coming straight from the left will give way. Yet often they don’t. But when we are the ones driving straight and see a car from the left trying to merge into our lane, we often speed up and refuse to let them in—as if letting them merge means we have somehow “lost.”
When we are employees, we often try hard to use up all our sick leave and annual leave, as if not doing so means we are at a disadvantage. But when we become employers, we may hope our employees take fewer days off, as if otherwise we are the ones losing out.
Whether we are employers or employees, whether we are the car going straight or the one turning, if we hold onto this mindset and fail to step out of this pattern of thinking, we easily become controlled by our emotions.
Pain comes from demanding too much; happiness comes from caring less about small gains and losses. When we don’t mind giving the spotlight and credit to others, it shows that we are growing. Letting others win can also be a kind of fulfillment.
When people interact with each other, it is not about who is more cunning, but about who is more sincere, more kind, and more genuine. What we lose may only be what is right in front of us, yet we might gain a ticket that leads to heaven. Whether one believes in God or in Buddha, the true judge will make the final judgment at the end. Those who are deceived will not truly be harmed, because they have not wronged others. But those who deceive others must carry a lifetime of guilt and self-reproach. Being kind to others does not wound us; harming those who treat us well makes it difficult to face the ugly reflection of ourselves in the mirror.
When you feel hurt, it does not necessarily mean someone intended to hurt you. When we are taken advantage of, it is often because we still have value to be taken advantage of. I once heard a successful person say that the rich do not become poor just because thieves visit them, and thieves do not become rich just because they steal. If we are often cheated, it may be because in others’ eyes we are “rich.” If we are often attacked, it may be because our small achievements have already stirred up others’ envy.
Whenever I face difficulties, I add a zero to my age and tell myself that I am already old, so there is no need to argue over everything. When I encounter people who make things difficult for me, I subtract a zero from their age and remind myself that they are still young, so there is no need to take it too seriously.
After the domestic helper who worked for my family for three years ran away with an advance on her salary and the money for her plane ticket, I did not check her luggage. Recently, a friend shared a short article asking how we would arrange the rest of our lives if we only had the last 100 days left. And lately, as the chairman of an organizing committee, I have faced many difficulties and challenges. All these reflections moved me to write this.
If my life had only the last 100 days left, I would want to return to my hometown in Penang—the place where I grew up from childhood to adulthood—and live there quietly, waiting for the day I reunite with my father and mother in heaven.
China